This was written by me months ago. It is from a male view; however in reading it over to post an impression I have and want to communicate is that to love someone requires risk. To find that special person to love that special person we all must take risks. Not every relationship will be a great experience, but we must shake and dust ourselves off and try again. That doesn’t mean you question the next person. What it does mean is that you must look into a person’s heart closely first. Love is never housed in the brain but in the heart. Enjoy, this admission of the 4 secrets a man want in a relationship and this comes from a woman…
Years ago my late mother told my brothers and I at one of the many gatherings during my teenage years: “Boys, when you get older make sure you marry a woman who can be a Mother, Lover, Hooker, and a Friend to you. Because, that’s really what every man wants.”
Needless to say, my brothers and I were stupefied for a moment, with amazed looks on our faces before we just laughed it off. My mother continued going about her “hostess” duties during the party as though she hadn’t said a word to us. As I have gotten older I have found an understated wisdom to my mother’s statement. My parents were married 28 years, together for 31 before her untimely (understatement!) death in 1995. I believe there is more than a nugget of truth to that statement. Sisters, please pay attention! Brothers, isn’t this really the summation in really broad strokes of what will keep us happy and to some extent sane?
Mother. Let me be honest, real men are really little boys. Despite our toughness we do want from time to time to have the woman in our lives to nurture us. A woman to have the capacity to hold us in their arms during our time of distress and say simply, “Baby everything will be alright.” That simple act of compassion and love goes a long way to reinforce our psyche and refill the vessel of confidence in ourselves that may have been emptied out into the world.
Lover. Men like romance. We embrace intimacy, not just sex. We do like to have the hidden language of innuendo that is shared between lovers. Holding hands while walking or an occasional hug “just because” is a good thing. Brothers, be wary of a woman who is incapable of romance or intimacy beyond the physical act. Sisters, brothers just want to feel like they are special and cherished. I tried a relationship like that; let’s just say we ended up in a court room.
Hooker. I do not mean prostitution!!! We as human beings should be able to embrace our sexuality with our partners. That includes experimentation. Sex should never be a routine act. It should be an adventure, like life it should be exhilarating and different, each and every time. Read a copy of the Kama Sūtra or the Joy of Sex guys!!! Let her read it too!!! Ladies and Gentleman, if your partner is lame, “RING THE BELL!!” school is in session. There is nothing wrong with a little instruction. Who knows, your partner may want some extra credit work to do. Unfortunately for me, a woman who does not know her way around the “the art of love” is boring and if she is immutable after having a few classes…NEXT!!!
Friend. The cardinal element. The glue that holds the previous three ingredients together. Do you really believe in love at first sight? Do you really believe a time tested, lasting relationship develops without friendship? A friendship develops over time; with mutual respect, support, and time sharing with each other. In short, quality time. Sisters, rid yourself of the “Cinderella Complex”. Brothers, STOP PLAYIN! As men we cannot play all of our lives. There comes a time when we MUST commit, turn in our PLAYA card, and show the maturity we should have. To have your husband or wife, your “Man” or “Woman” to be your best friend is the foundation for everything.
Writing this reminds me of a poem by D.H. Lawrence. In All I Ask he simplify states what is his innermost desire in a woman. In a relationship. It in this day is so true and so sad:
All I ask of a woman is that she feel gently towards me
when my heart feels kindly towards her,
and there shall be the soft, soft tremor as of unheard bells between us.
It is all I ask.
I am so tired of violent women lashing out and insisting on being loved, when there is no love in them.
In a true relationship like the one my parents shared, love in all of its various forms held them together. Throughout trial and tribulation. Since she passed on another lesson I have learned from her and demonstrated by my father is that love out lives death. That is the example that was shown to me and that is the example I would like to pass on to my children. Remember, love is God’s most beautiful creation.
I have planned two companion commentaries to this one, A man is MADE and not Born and Mentorship to Manhood will appear on Father’s Day.