By Tess Munster
It’s approaching the third year anniversary of when I first started modeling professionally as a plus size model and I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. My career has been such a blessing, but in some ways a curse. I often wonder if I knew what I know now, would I have done it? And I’m torn.
Modeling, and especially living your life in the public eye, is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You see a different side to people, a very dark side. People use you to get places, they lie to you, manipulate you, then turn around and “love” you all in day sometimes. I’ve lost friends, respect, and countless jobs because of my looks, beliefs, or just plain bad luck. Everyone thinks that they know me, therefore judging every move I make constantly. I miss the times that I could freely post photos of myself, food, my son, just my life without being attacked. Yes, I ignore it, I ignore a lot… but I would be lying if I said it doesn’t take its toll on me.
At what point is enough, enough?
For six months last year (and part of this year) I was suicidal, and thought every day that there was no way I could deal with another day. I didn’t really tell anyone because I was embarrassed… my life looks so glamorous sometimes, and here I am barely able to get out of bed. Still to this day, I’m told what I “should” look like, how I “should” dress, what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be eating… basically, how I need to be living my life.